Ghost Paranormal Hunters Adventures
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Heidi's house is haunted and Kyle has disappeared. Who do you turn to in this time of need? Ghostbusters! Nah it's actually the cast of Ghost Adventures


Turner residence

Heidi was snuggling on the couch with her boyfriend Kyle

Heidi: Any idea what happened to Kelly?

Kyle: I have no idea

There was a knock on the door

Heidi answered the door and Bebe stood there with a suitcase

Bebe: Hey Heidi

Heid: Bebe. What are you doing here? And what's with the suitcase?

Bebe: My house was destroyed by the cops because Mysterion was hiding out at my house and some crazy jack ass showed up with a bazooka and blew up my house. So could I stay here for a while? Until my house has been repaired

Heidi: I would make it a yes. But I need my parents permission

Mr Turner: I heard everything. Bebe you can stay here as long as you want

Bebe: Thank you Mr Turner

Bebe entered the house

Bebe: Hey Kyle

Kyle: Hey Bebe

Bebe entered the basement

Heidi: I feel so sorry for her. I mean she's homeless

Kyle: I know

Suddenly Bebe screamed

Heidi: Bebe?

Heidi and Kyle went down to the basement

Heidi: Bebe? You ok?

Bebe just sat there in fear

Kyle: Bebe?

Bebe: I saw something. I saw a girl, she looked like she was crying and than she went after me

Heidi: Bebe, could the trauma of your house being destroyed be causing you to hallucinate?

Bebe: I know what I saw and it looked terrifying

Heidi: Look Bebe. Kyle's gonna be here for a few days just an FYI. We'll be here to protect you

That Night

Bebe was sleeping in the basement

She has a sleeping bag so she was warm

She was sleeping until a light started shining

Ghost: Hello

Bebe woke up

Bebe: Huh?

Bebe than screamed

Ghost: What season of Riverdale are we on?

Bebe continued screaming

Saturday

Bebe was eating breakfast and she was shaking

Heidi: What's wrong Bebe? Did you have a nightmare?

Bebe: Heidi. I saw another ghost

Heidi: Yeah and who's ghost was it? Luke Perry?

Bebe: Actually it was

Heidi: Huh?

Bebe: He said, he wanted to go to the Once Upon A Time In Hollywood premiere

Heidi: Yeah

Bebe: I'm serious Heidi. I'm serious!

Heidi: Alright Bebe

Kyle: Babe. I'm gonna hang out with the guys for a while. The Ghost Adventures crew are here and we're gonna make fun of them for being a bunch of fakers

Heidi: Alright, see ya in a bit babe

As Kyle was about to exit he heard a voice

Voice: Children

Kyle: Huh?

Voice: Children

Kyle: Is anyone there? Huh? I guess nobody

Kyle exited the house

Meanwhile

Bebe: Please Heidi you have to believe me

Heidi: Well you seem desperate. Alright Bebe. I'll leave a camera in the basement, you can sleep in my room for tonight

Bebe: Alright, thanks Heidi

Later that night

Heidi was watching the monitor for any signs of ghostly presence

Heidi: Alright nothing so far

Bebe: Night one. Currently I'm watching Heidi watching her basement, I've been here for a day now after some crazy-

Heidi: Bebe what are you doing?

Bebe was recording with a tape recorder

Bebe: I'm recording

Heidi: Why?

Bebe: Because I want people to know what happened just in case we died

Heidi: Why's that?

Bebe: Because they would know and also I wanna create a new horror genre called found recording

Heidi: That's stupid

Heidi continued watching the monitor

Bebe continued recording

Bebe: Heidi's being a bitch with me because she doesn't want me to achieve my dream of creating a new genre for horror

Heidi gave Bebe a dirty look

Bebe: Heidi's dirty looking me

Meanwhile Kyle was in the living room watching Ghost Adventures

Zak: We enter the house to find a spatula that has ecto plasm. Whilst Aaron just insults the ghost, like he always does

Arron: Hey ghost, we're not scared of you, you fucking pussy. How about you show yourself and stop being a pussy?!

Kyle: Why do they think that Chef's house is haunted? It's just retarded

Kyle suddenly heard a noise from the basement

Kyle: Hello!

Kyle went down into the basement to investigate

Meanwhile Heidi was watching from her monitor

Heidi: What the fuck is Kyle doing?

Bebe: Kyle has just entered the basement. I think he heard a noise. Me and Heidi heard a noise-

Heidi: Will you stop recording?

Meanwhile in the basement

Kyle: Is anyone down here?

There was a clang

Kyle tried to unlock the door, but it was locked

Heidi's room

Heidi: Kyle. Come on baby get out of there

The basement

Kyle: Why won't this open?

Kyle's phone started ringing

Kyle: Hello

Heidi: Kyle, what are you doing in there?

Kyle: I heard a loud noise and I went to investigate

Heidi: Can't you get out?

Kyle: No! The doors locked

Heidi: Hold on I'm com-

Kyle: Heidi? Heidi?

Voice: I'm awakening

Kyle threw his phone onto the floor

Heidi: Kyle? Kyle? Kyle I'm coming

Heidi's room

Heidi: Bebe. Keep an eye on the monitor. I'm gonna try and get Kyle out of the basement

Heidi left her room

Bebe grabbed her tape recorder

Bebe: Alright. I see Kyle. He's trying to unlock the door, boy I forgot how cute his ass was. Now don't say that Bebe. Heidi's with Kyle and they're cute together. Hold on what's that?

The basement

Heidi: Kyle! Kyle!

Kyle: Heidi!

Heidi: Hold on baby! I'm coming

Heidi went outside and grabbed an axe from the shed

Heidi went back inside and tried to chop the door down

Kyle: Come on Heidi!

Heidi: I'm trying Kyle

Kyle: Wait what's that?

Heidi: What's what?!

Suddenly there was a bright flash

They went silent for a moment

Heidi: Kyle! Kyle!

There was no sound

Heidi managed to make a hole in the door and poked her head through it to see if she can see anything

But Kyle wasn't there

Heidi: Kyle? Kyle? Kyle?

Heidi's room

Bebe was sitting on Heidi's bed in shock

Heidi: Bebe! Kyle's gone

Bebe: I know

Heidi: Do you know what happened?

Bebe: Watch the footage

Heidi: Why can't you tell me?

Bebe: Because tension

Heidi slowly approached the monitor

Bebe: It's a monitor, not a savage animal. Can't you walk normally to it?

Heidi approached the monitor

Heidi watched the footage

She saw Kyle shouting for her, when all of a sudden there was a bright flash

Heidi repeatedly rewind the footage to catch anything odd

On the 5th rewind, Heidi spots a figure 2 seconds before the bright flash appeared

Heidi: Bebe look

Bebe approached Heidi

Heidi: There's a ghostly figure, two seconds before Kyle disappears

Bebe: Wait, that ghost looks familiar

Bebe took a closer look

Bebe notices the ghost was missing it's left hand

Bebe: Is that, Miss Crabtree?

Bebe was right the ghost looked like Miss Crabtree

Sunday

Heidi was crying on the couch with Bebe, Wendy and Stan by her side

Heidi: I don't know what happened to him. I hope he's not dead and if he is than I am available

Cartman than put his face on the window

Cartman: Did you say you're available?

Wendy: Fuck off Eric!

Cartman: Heidi, if Kyle's dead please take me back

Stan got off the couch and closed the curtain

Stan: Sorry Heidi

Heidi: It's ok Stan

Bebe: On the brighter side I almost created a new genre for horror called found recordings

Stan: Oh yeah, that will definitely be a box office success

Bebe gave Stan a dirty look

Stan got back on the couch and sulked

Bebe: Kyle might be ok Heidi. I mean there was no body

Stan: What did the ghost look like?

Bebe: The first ghost looked like a girl crying, than I saw the ghost of Luke Perry and-

Wendy: Luke Perry? From Riverdale

Bebe: Yeah

Stan: Wait, I thought Luke Perry died in Los Angeles

Wendy: That's a good point, what's his ghost doing here?

Bebe: I don't know and the ghost that took Kyle, looked like Miss Crabtree

Wendy: Miss Crabtree?

Stan: She must be out for revenge on Kyle for all the times he's insulted her

Wendy: You've insulted her too Stan

Stan: Yeah. She was a bitch

Wendy: Ok I have to agree with you

Heidi continued crying

Stan: I think I'm gonna need some space

Wendy: Alright Stan

Stan left the couch

Bebe: There, there. Kyle will be fine

Meanwhile in the kitchen

Stan was sitting on the table and started crying

Stan: Why? Why did they have to take Kyle away?

Stan stopped crying

Stan: Hey Chef. Little slow today ain't it?

Stan than laughed

Chef stood in front of Stan

Chef: Hello children. Why are you laughing?

Stan: I was thinking of a funny joke sorry

Chef: That's alright children. What will it be?

Stan: I'll have a Salisbury steak with buttered noodles

Chef: Coming right up

Stan: It's great seeing you again Chef

Chef: Did you and that girlfriend of yours fix things?

Stan: Yeah. We've broken up two more times but we managed to fix things, because we just love each other

Chef: I knew that. I've had similar issues with Marilyn Monroe in the afterlife

Chef gave Stan the Salisbury steak and the buttered noodles

Stan started eating them

Chef: I've heard about what happened to Kyle, shame about him. Although the guys in the afterlife told me there was a way to bring him back

Stan: There is?

Chef: Yes. They told me to tell you to kill Heidi and Bebe

Stan: Why would I wanna do that?

Chef: Think about it children. They got Kyle into this mess so they should be punished

Stan: But I don't wanna kill my best friends girlfriend or my girlfriend's best friend

Chef: Well you wanna see Kyle again don't you Stan?

Stan: I do, but there could be another way

Chef: Nope. That's the only way

Stan: Well I'm not doing it ghost Chef. So let me tell you something that would piss you off, I'm not doing it

Chef: Well let me tell you something that will piss you off

Stan: What?

Chef: You're hallucinating me and the Sainsbury steak and buttered noodles. You're eating a dead rat with a bird on top

Stan snapped back into reality and spat it out

Stan: Jesus Christ!

The girls were watching Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer: Something something vagina something something I Feel Pretty killed my career

Heidi: I don't think Amy Schumer is gonna cheer me up girls

Bebe: Thank God! I'm sick of watching her

Wendy: Well we don't know what else to do Heidi

Stan entered the room

Stan: Is she still upset about Kyle?

Wendy: I'm afraid so

Stan: Heidi. We'll find a way to rescue Kyle, we always do

Heidi: Technically you

Stan: Who else can help?

Bebe: I think I know. They are the most professional paranormal experts I've ever seen

Stan: You're not suggesting- Oh no no no no no no!

Wendy: What?

Bebe: They're currently filming in South Park

Stan: You're not getting those guys

Wendy: Who Stan?

Bebe: The Ghost Adventures crew

Stan: No No No!

35 minutes later

Zak Ward: My name is Zak Ward. We are investigating a house that we believe-

Aaron: Hey spirits! Fuck you!

Zak Ward: Aaron, don't insult the spirits

Stan: Why did you agree into bringing these idiots Heidi?

Heidi: Because they seemed professional

Stan: Does that look professional?

Aaron was grinding on a table

Aaron: Hey ghosts! Does this piss you off?

Zak Ward: Aaron! Enough!

Stan: I'm going upstairs. You coming Wendy?

Wendy: Sure Stan

Stan and Wendy went upstairs

Aaron: Hey ghosts! Leave those children to have sex ok?!

Zak Ward: Aaron. They're only 10!

Bebe: See? Professional

Heidi: Zak and those other guys seem more professional, Aaron doesn't

Upstairs

Stan: Why did Heidi allow Bebe to invite those idiots?

Wendy: I honestly don't know Stan

Stan: I've encountered ghosts. Those guys are just morons

Wendy: I know Stan

Voice: Um Hello

Stan: What was that?

Wendy: What was what?

Voice: Stan?

Stan: Who is it?

Voice: It's me Kyle

Stan: Kyle?

Wendy: What about him?

Stan: I hear Kyle, Wendy

Wendy: I don't

Kyle: Wendy! Listen to me

Stan: I don't think she can hear you Kyle

Kyle: Fuck!

Stan: Where are you Kyle?

Kyle: Check the bathroom

Stan: Alright

Wendy: Stan?

Stan: I'm only going to the bathroom Wendy

Wendy: Alright Stan

Stan entered the bathroom and saw something shocking

Stan: Oh My God!

There was a naked man in the bathtub

Stan screamed

Man: Hey do you mind I'm jacking it, I have a weird fetish for bathrooms

Stan ran out of the bathroom screaming

Wendy: Stan?

Zak and Aaron show up

Zak: Whoah kid! What's wrong?

Stan: I saw the ghost of a naked man jacking off

Aaron: Hey ghost of a naked man jacking off! Fuck you!

Zak: Aaron! This is why we wanna fire you

Stan: Alright what now?

Zak: We're gonna do a lockdown in this house, I can feel a bit of a supernatural presence definitely. I feel anger, sadness, lust and sex addiction

Stan: This is just stupid

Later that night

Stan: I thought you guys were gonna do the lockdown

Zak: Well the spirits seemed like they were drawn to you in some way

Bebe: Where's Aaron?

Zak: Aaron's yelling at a the bathtub

Aaron: Ghost of a man jacking off! Show yourself! Or are you to busy jacking off!?

Wendy: So what are we gonna do?

Zak: We're gonna communicate with the spirits with an EVP

Heidi: A what?

Zak: An electronic voice phenomena

Zak activated the EVP

Zak: Can we speak to one of the spirits inhabiting this house?

There was silence

Zak: I said can we speak to a spirit-

Heidi: Give me back my boyfriend you son of a bitch!

Zak: Jesus Christ you turned into Aaron!

Suddenly a voice was heard from the EVP

Voice: Nobody puts baby in a corner

Stan: Did you hear that?

Zak: I did

Stan: Who is this?

Voice: My name is Patrick

Zak: Patrick do you have a last name?

Voice: Swayze

Bebe: Patrick Swayze?!

Patrick Swayze: Yes

Zak: Oh my God! I loved you in Point Break! Jay, Billy you see anything?

Billy and Jay just sat there with computers

Jay: I see something giving you a massage Zak

Zak: I feel it

Billy: He stopped

Zak: I didn't say you could stop

Aaron came downstairs

Aaron: Oh My God! Patrick Swayze?! Hey show yourself! You know what's the worst acting I've seen in a movie?! Your performance in Roadhouse!

Zak: Aaron!

Aaron: Or you dating somebody who was like 16 in Dirty Dancing!

Stan: Jesus is he usually this rude to ghosts?

Aaron: Do me a favour and go fu-

Suddenly Aaron's throat had been torn out

Everyone screamed

Zak: Oh my God!

Aaron collapsed

Stan: I think we pissed off Patrick Swayze!

Heidi went to check on Aaron

Heidi: He's dead

Zak: Shit! Jay, Billy

Zak went to check on Jay and Billy, but they have been turned into skeletons

Heidi: Fuck!

Wendy: Stan I'm scared

Wendy held onto Stan

Stan: Have you ever encountered ghosts that tried to kill you?

Zak: Sometimes

Stan: Why are there so many ghosts?

Zak: Well, Bebe claimed that she saw the ghost of Luke Perry. But Luke died in LA. So my theory is that this house is a doorway to a ghost dimension

Stan: So is that where Kyle is?

Zak: It's possible

Kyle's voice was suddenly heard again

Kyle: Hello!

Stan: Kyle?

Zak: Is this Kyle?

Kyle: Who are you?

Zak: Zak Ward. Host of Ghost Adventures

Kyle: Oh fuck you! You're just a faker

Zak: Boy, I wish Aaron was alive so he could think of a comeback

Kyle: Oh Aaron's dead? Good

Wendy: Yeah he got killed by Patrick Swayze

Voice: That's ironic! First he played a Ghost now he's a ghost

Zak: And who is this?

Voice: This is John Candy

Kyle: Do you mind John Candy?

John: Sorry God!

Heidi: Kyle?

Kyle: Heidi?

Heidi: Are you ok?

Kyle: Well I'm trapped in a ghost dimension where Hitler keeps dirty looking me, what do you think?

Stan: Sounds awful Kyle

Zak: How did you get into the ghost dimension?

Kyle: Well I was in the basement and than I saw Mrs Crabtree's ghost and than there was a bright flash and now "Boom" I'm in a ghost dimension

Zak: To the basement

They went to the basement

Zak: Spirits we wish for you to return this 10 year old boy back into our world

Voice: So he's not dead?

Zak: And who is this?

Voice: This is the ghost of Monty Python's Graham Chapman

Stan: Is there a way Kyle can return to the real world?

Suddenly a door opened

Kyle: I think that's the way into the ghost dimension

Stan: Don't worry Kyle I'm coming

Stan tied a rope to himself

Wendy: Stan?

Stan: I'm going to save Kyle

Heidi: Please do

Wendy: Stan I won't let you go in there! What if you get trapped?

Bebe: Wendy stop whining, Stan always finds a way out

Wendy: But what if he doesn't make it out this time?

Stan: Wendy I'll be fine

Zak: Is it safe?

Stan: Huh?

Zak: Throw this ball

Zak threw Stan the ball

Stan threw the ball into the portal

After about 25 seconds of waiting

Wendy: I don't know if it's safe

Zak: Ow my ass hurts for some reason

Suddenly the ball came out of Zak's ass

Zak: What?

Bebe: Oh my God! Gross

Kyle: So the exit is Zak's ass? So the place where he gets his ideas from is also an exit for ghost dimension?

Zak: Why is my ass the exit?

Voice: I think I have an explanation

Zak: Who is this?

Voice: Harold Ramis

Zak: Explain

Harold: My theory is when you arrived in South Park, you unintentionally activated the ghost dimension

Zak: Why am I the exit?

Harold: You have a strong link to the paranormal world, so maybe that's why your ass is the exit

Zak: Whoah! Mind blown

Voice: Dude!

Zak: Aaron!

Aaron: Your ass is an exit! Dude!

Stan: Alright I'm going in

Kyle: I hope you find me Stan

Heidi: Bebe, Wendy help me hold the rope

Wendy approached Stan

Wendy: Stan, I'm scared you might not make it

Aaron: Oh really! A goodbye speech

Everyone: Shut Up Aaron's ghost!

Wendy started crying

Wendy: What if you get stuck in there?

Stan: Wendy, with Zak being our exit and me being tied to this rope there's a chance I'll get out

Wendy continued crying

Stan held her face

Stan: I promise I'll come back

Stan than kissed Wendy

Heidi: Yeah! Less goodbye and more rescue my goddamn boyfriend

Stan: Sorry Heidi!

Wendy held the rope

Stan jumped into the dimension

Heidi: Any sign of Kyle?

Stan's voice was heard

Stan: Not yet

Bebe: Wait why do we need a rope when Zak's the exit?

Stan: Because I might get stuck and I need somebody to pull me out

Suddenly the rope burnt

Stan: What happened to the rope?

Wendy: It burnt

Stan: What?

Kyle: Stan?

Stan: Kyle

Heidi: Did you find Kyle?

Stan: Yeah

Kyle: Can somebody pull us out?

Bebe: We can't

Kyle: What?!

Stan: The rope burnt! Sorry Kyle

Zak: Well there has to be a way to the exit which happens to be my ass

Stan: If there isn't. Than I'm sorry Wendy

Wendy started crying

Wendy: Stan!

Heidi held Wendy into a hug

Zak: Well my ass was useless

Stan: Wait hold on! Chef?

Chef: Hello there children

Kyle: Chef!

Chef: How's it going?

Stan and Kyle: Bad

Chef: Why bad?

Stan: Wait a minute! Why are you helping us Chef? You wanted me to kill Heidi and Bebe

Heidi: What?

Bebe: Chef!

Chef: That wasn't me, that was Rodney Dangerfield. He's already asked 3 people to kill people by shape changing into people from their past and 2/3 out of those people actually did it

Stan: Dude, he's pretty fucked up

Zak: Yeah! That's nice! Can we please get this over with?

Kyle: Sorry Zak

Chef: Well the exit is just the to the right and than you make a left and 3 more hallways than you take a right and that will be the exit

Zak: Wait, Why did the ball take a few seconds to get out of my ass if the exit was that far?

Chef: Because the ghost dimension doesn't accept inanimate objects

Bebe: Wow these rules sounds complicated

Chef: They are children. Good luck children

Stan and Kyle: Thanks Chef

Chef: You're welcome children. Now if your excuse me. I'm gonna make some sweet love to Carrie Fisher in that sweet slave bikini

Stan: Ok Chef

3 minutes later

Stan and Kyle come out of Zak's ass covered in white goo

Stan: Aww Gross!

Wendy and Heidi ran up to their respective boyfriends and hugged them

Heidi: I thought I lost you

Suddenly there was a deep raspy voice

Voice: This is isn't over

Zak: Who am I speaking to now?

Voice: I am the king of the ghost dimension

Suddenly the basement door locked

Voice: You will be trapped in my domain forever. As my slaves. Except for Zak since he's the exit and the ghosts need to get out and haunt people somehow

Stan: No!

Zak: Wait what happens if I'm thrown in last?

The King: Than the portal will close forever

Zak: Goodbye season 19

The King: Huh?

Suddenly Zak threw himself into the portal

The King: Shit! I should've stopped him

Suddenly there was a white flash and smoke got sucked into the closet and the closet door closed by itself

Stan: Is it over?

Wendy: I think so. I think it's closed forever

Stan: I meant Ghost Adventures

Kyle: Yeah!

Stan: Oh finally

Mr Turner showed up

Mr Turner: Hey! What the hell happened? Who's throat is this?

Mr Turner was holding Aaron's throat

Stan: I think the real question is, where were you the entire time?


End file.
